I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
