I'm so fucking centered right now
I need help removing her.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
