Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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