Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
