I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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