Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
