And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
