Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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