I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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