woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
