My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
