i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
