I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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