Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
