I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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