Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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