Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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