i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
