Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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