I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
