I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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