it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
