i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
