hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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