After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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