I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
