She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
