I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
