the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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