I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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