don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You made out with two different species that night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
