this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize