Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
