Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
