Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
