So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
