he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
