I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
