Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
