that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
