Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
