I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
