i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
