I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
