You're so nebulous sometimes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
