Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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