Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
