how can u be prego again
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
how drunk are you?
Several
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
