pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
