phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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