All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
