just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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