yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i now understand why vodka
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
