yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
