I can text with my tongue
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
