So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
