dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So many bounce houses so little time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
