Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
