I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
