and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I could fuck to npr.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
