I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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