Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
