She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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