I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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