the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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